Creating goals for yourself=good
Thinking ahead of ways to support new goals=better
Building lifelong habits that lead to your goals=best
What is it:
We all have goals in mind. Some are small-like, “Clean the dishes before bed.” Some are big-like, “Get my Masters in Accounting.” Goals are the end result that we are looking for. Habits, on the other hand, are the building blocks to achieve our long term goals. I hold the position that while goals are helpful, true change comes from building habits.
Where I’m at currently:
I set lofty SMART goals, make checklists I’ll never look at again, and plan until my planner is all planned out. (Without much actual change occurring). Fun fact: I have been “blogging” for 8 months. This would be my third post.
I didn’t use to be this way… pre-children, I was a doer and my husband was a planner. Post-children I found myself stuck. First, physically in the NICU supporting my daughter for 3 months, then when we got home, emotionally/mentally with the grief from losing her twin and general postpartum changes, then again physically as I got nap trapped by my sweet nugget day after day. So I started making lists and plans. It felt like I was doing something and allowed me moments of reprieve from grief.
Now though, I want to actually make change. My basic focuses for this year are to:
1)Open more streams of income so I can continue to stay home with my darling girl
2)Spend more time outside
3)Reduce my impact on the environment
4)Be my healthiest self
I know, I know, these are not SMART goals. That’s okay for me today. As I said, I’ve made a ton of SMART goals the past two years. I want to make new habits this year.
What the research says:
There’s this thing called a habit loop. It looks like this: Cue-Routine-Reward. Basically, something happens (a trigger or cue), we have an automatic behavior we do when that thing happens, and then there is some type of reward for our behavior.
Some examples:
Your phone makes it’s notification sound->you check your social/text/whatnot->dopamine hit
You wake up->you get dressed in your workout attire and walk out the front door->you work out and feel good.
You use the bathroom before bed->you pick up the floss that’s on the counter after washing your hands and floss->your teeth feel clean
You go to the bathroom->you take out your phone and scroll on social media->dopamine hit
You turn on the dishwasher before bed->you plug your phone in in the kitchen->you go to sleep quickly and peacefully with no distractions
Here’s a very real example:
I go to the grocery store. I follow the same path around the grocery store- first to the fruits/veggies, then through the baked goods section where I pass the discounted goods, then the meats section, and sometimes the dairy/egg section. I only veer off if I need some canned veggies or frozen goods. There are typically (but not always) discounted desserts in the baked good section. When I see one, I almost have to get it.
In the example above, going to the grocery store is the cue. The routine is going the same path to get groceries (specifically through the baked goods section). The reward is twofold- we are on a budget, and I love sweets, so when I see a discounted sweet, I not only get the thing I’m (not-so)- secretly wanting, but I also feel as though I’m saving our family money. Add to that the fact that it’s not always there, and you get a bit of the gamblers/addiction mindset.
Now let’s change the automated response and reward.
The cue remains the same: going to the grocery store. My automated response is my path through the store (specifically past the discounted baked goods). If I start going the reverse way around the store, I can get my eggs/dairy, then my meats, then go down the canned aisle to bypass the desserts, and hit the fruits/veggies last. My reward needs to tune into both my sweet tooth and my wallet. I will record my shopping as soon as I get to the car so I can be excited about how much I saved, and I can get a favorite fruit to have on the way home. (If that doesn’t work, I may need to keep a homemade sweet treat in the car.)
Another way to change this script is to change the cue. Maybe instead of going into the grocery store, I start ordering my groceries for pick up, or maybe I shop at the farmers market for fruits/veggies, and get meat from a local farmer.
When I talk about being Better Than Yesterday in other posts, I will be focusing on habits, not necessarily measurable goals.
To change a habit, you need to change your automated response, while still providing a reward.
How I’m going to be Better Than Yesterday:
When looking at different aspects of my life, I will still set a goal/focus, but I will spend more time and energy getting my habits to lead to my goals.
How We can be Better Than Yesterday:
Take a look at some of your goals or focuses. Try to identify the cue that leads to a behavior and the reward you get from the behavior. Make shifts to cause more friction for habits you want to change or less friction for habits you want to strengthen.
Some common examples:
Turn off notifications for apps you’re constantly on. Dedicate 2 times a day when you will check your phone.
Leave a book in the bathroom, leave your phone outside the bathroom.
Charge your phone in a different room at night. Put Do Not Disturb on with any important contacts as exceptions.
Buy some easy to eat on the go breakfast foods. Take your snack on a walk in the AM.
Open your window and window shades at night. It’s hard to sleep all day with the birds chirping and sunlight streaming in.
Cut up vegetables/fruits as soon as you get them home. Put them in the front of your fridge.
What to explore in the future:
How much time does it actually take to make a habit? If I miss a day/mess up, how does that impact my habits? What are SMART goals and when are they of value? What other research is out there about habits? What are good books on habit building? Where does my beloved To-Do list fit in with habit building/goal achieving? Are there certain personalities that benefit more from goals vs habits?